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Talking about and disclosing your autism diagnosis

Choosing to disclose your autism diagnosis to others, including family, friends and colleagues, is a personal decision. Telling people you are autistic may bring understanding, acceptance and support, and could help you feel more comfortable being yourself around them. This page explores the different views autistic people have of discussing and disclosing their diagnosis.

When should I tell people I am autistic?

Choosing whether to tell other people that you are autistic is a personal decision. You can choose to tell some people and not others. It can be helpful to think of the pros and cons of telling people in specific situations, and some examples of these can be found in the section Autistic adult and parent experiences of disclosing below.

The parents of young children will generally decide whether, when and how to tell people about their child’s diagnosis. Parents of older children should discuss this with their child and come to a decision together, respecting the autistic child or young person’s preferences. For example, a child may be happy for their teacher to know, but not for their classmates to be told until they feel comfortable with that. 

Positive experiences of disclosing include:

  • being able to access support that is tailored to your needs as an autistic person
  • not having to hide that you are autistic (for example by masking)
  • other people being able to understand you better.

However, autistic people often feel worried about telling others about their diagnosis because of a lack of understanding and acceptance of autism in society. They may have concerns that they will be misunderstood, rejected or that people will treat them differently. They may also fear their diagnosis could be dismissed or disbelieved by others if they don’t fit the stereotypical image of autism most often shown in films and the media.

One reason to consider disclosing your autism diagnosis is that autistic people have certain legal rights and protections in UK equality law. Autism is considered to be a disability in UK law. The Equality Act 2010 places a legal duty on education providers and most employers (not including the armed forces) to make sure disabled people, including autistic people, are not at a disadvantage, by providing ‘reasonable adjustments’. The duty to make these adjustments only applies if the employer or education provider is aware of the disability. Find out more about this on our Education and Employment pages.​​​​​​
 

Autistic adult and parent experiences of disclosing

It is difficult to know how others will react to someone disclosing their or their child’s diagnosis. Different autistic people and parents have received varied reactions from the friends, family, teachers, colleagues and other people they have told. 

Some have expressed that it was a very good decision to tell people and that they found understanding and support. Others have expressed that they were disbelieved, dismissed, undermined or rejected when they told people, and some wish they hadn’t disclosed in certain cases. 

Autistic adults have described a range of positive and negative experiences of telling people they are autistic. 

Positive experiences include: 

  • increased understanding from others
  • feeling more able to relax and ‘unmask’
  • improved relationships with partners and family members
  • improvements at work after telling colleagues
  • developing pride in your autistic identity
  • promoting awareness of autism by being open about your diagnosis. 

Negative experiences include: 

  • a lack of understanding and acceptance from others
  • people dismissing or disbelieving the diagnosis
  • unhelpful responses from partners and family members
  • people treating the diagnosis as insignificant or unimportant
  • difficulties in the work environment following disclosure to employers.
  • Choosing whether to disclose your autism diagnosis can be a difficult decision.

Some autistic people have highlighted that you may not need to disclose your autism diagnosis in order to request certain adjustments and support; people might agree to these requests simply because you have asked and believe they could be helpful. 

You may find it helpful to discuss the advantages and disadvantages of disclosing your diagnosis with others who have been in a similar situation by accessing local or online peer support groups, such as our Online community.​​​​

Autistic adults’ experiences

"Being open and talking about being autistic was the best decision I ever made. It connected me with the #ActuallyAutistic community, professional support, and turns out lots of my friends are autistic but hadn’t told anybody!"

– Vera, Friends and family, I’m autistic!

"The most popular option has been to treat my diagnosis as though I have just announced a sudden death – to politely and uncomfortably acknowledge it, out of unavoidable necessity, then hurriedly change the subject, never to be touched upon again."
 
– Jo Bloggs, Reactions to late autism diagnosis

"Disclosure, it turns out, is a sticky issue. My first instinct was, ‘This is great! I have an explanation for my difficulties. I’ll tell everyone and they’ll be as happy about it as I am.’ Er, no. Disclosure makes people uncomfortable. Most people don’t know what to say. Many will reassure you that it makes no difference and then proceed to treat you differently."
 
– Cynthia Kim, Adult ASD: disclosure

"There is hope. The pressure to conform ... has lifted, just a little. And everything is easier, just a little. There is also fear – assumptions about me will only be multiplied. Some will doubt my abilities, my autonomy and my intelligence."
 
– Danielle, An adult autism diagnosis at 37

Parents’ experiences

"But he doesn’t look autistic’, ‘Oh! I’m sorry, I didn’t realize’, ‘I bet he’s great at Maths’, ‘But he’s so cute’... Are a few examples of comments I have received from people when I tell them my son Walter (7) is autistic. I think most of them mean well ... Conditions such as autism are not so obvious and can at times come with negative misconceptions, parent shaming, isolation and judgement – none of which are required or helpful."
 
– Pam Aculey, What does autism look like?

"Like me, my friends and family didn’t know a thing about autism when Leo was first diagnosed. They also didn’t know what to say to us, beyond platitudes. I don’t really blame them; we were all in that ignorance boat together. But I do wish I’d been together enough to feed them lines like, ‘it’s okay to ask us questions, but we might not know the answers yet,’ and ‘feel free to keep inviting us over; we’ll say no if it doesn’t work."
 
– Shannon Des Roches Rosa, After an autism diagnosis

When and how should I talk to my child about their diagnosis?

There is no ‘perfect’ time to talk to a child about their diagnosis, but evidence suggests that gradually helping them to understand themselves early on can lead to increased self-esteem and self-awareness. 

Parents and carers can consider whether the child is old enough to understand and whether they will benefit from knowing at a certain stage. Some children may react negatively at first or may find the idea difficult to understand. A child may need some time to process the information; try not to overload them with too much information at once. 

Even though a child may react negatively, many autistic adults have expressed that being equipped with this knowledge about themselves is preferable to navigating life without knowing. 

General tips for parents/carers considering talking to their child about their child’s autism diagnosis, include: 

  • finding out about autism, to gain a good understanding before speaking to the child
  • start talking about autism soon after, if not before, diagnosis – autistic children may already be aware they experience things differently from their peers
  • giving small amounts of information at a time
  • using age-appropriate language and resources (including books, TV shows and websites), considering how much they will understand
  • answering questions honestly and directly, and researching answers you do not know
  • keeping calm, relaxed and positive in an environment they are comfortable in
  • letting them choose who they tell
  • finding other autistic people, particularly positive autistic adult role models and autistic peers, who your child can socialise with
  • empowering the child to know and communicate their needs
  • being open to further conversations and questions.​​​​​

Tips from parents

"Whether your child was diagnosed at 2 or at 12, now is a perfect time to start teaching them about their autistic brain! Some parents think they should avoid talking to their kids about a diagnosis because they don’t want their kids to feel ‘weird’ or like there’s something ‘wrong with them’. But here’s the thing: your child is already going to feel those things from society, whether you teach them about their neurology or not. When you proactively teach them about their autism, you get the ability to frame the way they see autism and make sure they know it’s a positive part of who they are!"
 
– Kaylene, 5 important steps to take after your child’s autism diagnosis

"Above all, be honest. Say you acknowledge that there will be challenges but that you will be there to support them, and the diagnosis means that other people will understand and be able to support them too."

– Lesel, NAS Facebook community member

"We told our daughter that only we knew about [the diagnosis] and that it was her news to share, or not, as she wished. We suggested it might be useful to let some people know so they can understand and accept the way she is. Over time, we checked in with her about who she wanted this sharing with and how. She would choose whether she wanted to share this or whether she wanted us to share it, and whether she wanted to be there or not when we explained this."

– Lisa, NAS Online Community member

"Growing up not knowing I was autistic was hell, I believed I was broken, failing at being human, I was picked on as my peers knew I was different... . I did not want that for my child, I wanted her to understand her autistic traits and be OK with them, I wanted her to have a positive perspective and the only way I feel to achieve that was to be open about my diagnosis and hers. That way, there was nothing to fear or feel ashamed of.  It’s perfectly okay to be different."

– Anna, NAS Online Community member

Links, resources and article sources

Related advice and support

How will I feel after receiving an autism diagnosis?

Read more

Formal support following a diagnosis

Read more

What can I do if formal support is not offered or is not enough?

Read more

Related videos
 

Dr Sarah Lister Brook. Clinical Director, National Autistic Society

Expert Q&A with Dr Sarah Lister Brook

Our Clinical Director answers common questions about autism assessment and diagnosis in this YouTube playlist.

View on YouTube

My diagnosis story: Finty

Our Young Ambassador shares her experience of autism assessment and diagnosis.

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Related services
 

Online Community

Our online community is a place for autistic people and their families to meet like-minded people and share their experiences.

Join the community

Lorna Wing Centre

Our specialist diagnostic and assessment service for children, young people and adults.

Autism assessments

Autism Services Directory

The UK’s most comprehensive directory of services and support for autistic people, their families, and the people who work with them.

Search the Directory

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