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Masking

Masking is a strategy used by some autistic people, consciously or unconsciously, to appear non-autistic. While this strategy can help them get by at school, work and in social situations, it can have a devastating impact on mental health, sense of self and access to an autism diagnosis.   

What is masking?

Masking is a strategy used by some autistic people, consciously or unconsciously, to appear non-autistic in order to blend in and be more accepted in society. Masking can happen in formal situations such as at school or work and in informal situations such as at home with family or socialising with friends.

Masking is sometimes referred to as ‘camouflaging’, ‘social camouflaging’, ‘compensatory strategies’ and ‘passing’. Research suggests autistic people learn how to mask by observing, analysing and mirroring the behaviours of others – in real life or on TV, in films, books, etc.

Autistic people have described masking as:

  • hyper-vigilance for and constant adaptation to the preferences and expectations (whether expressed, implied or anticipated) of the people around you
  • tightly controlling and adjusting how you express yourself (including your needs, preferences, opinions, interests, personality, mannerisms and appearance) based on the real or anticipated reactions of others, both in the moment and over time

Examples of this, which may be done consciously or unconsciously, include:

  • using facial expressions, perhaps by mirroring others’, that wouldn’t come naturally to you
  • forcing yourself to make eye contact or monitoring how much eye contact you are making
  • changing speech or tone of voice, for example by using less direct phrasing, or being more or less animated
  • suppressing, reducing or hiding stimming (such as hand flapping or echolalia), or switching to less noticeable stims such as playing with a pen
  • reducing visible reactions to sensory sensitivities (for example being very sensitive to touch but not flinching or wincing when someone shakes your hand)
  • planning in advance what you want to say to someone (known as ‘scripting’), which you may or may not find difficult to adapt in the moment based on their responses
  • asking more questions than you may be comfortable with or interested in
  • not sharing interests due to a concern that they may be perceived as inappropriate or unusual (for example due to the person’s age)
  • mirroring dress sense and other elements of appearance.

“A lot of us present different versions of ourselves in different situations, that’s normal. But masking is to re-write every fibre of your being to suit the situation you are in and what is perceived to be ‘normal’ behaviour and reactions. … When I am masking the vast majority of my brain function is going to that masking. It is taking almost all of my mental energy to just stay in absolute control and only let through the behaviours that are acceptable in that situation.”

– Rosie Weldon, Autism and masking

“I've noticed that part of masking can involve making very exaggerated facial expressions because I'm trying to mirror them in some way; over-animated conversations, putting in a lot of energy to the conversation – especially if I'm tired, I find I actually put more energy in to compensate, because otherwise I wouldn't give that back-and-forth that they'd want.”

– Yo Samdy Sam, Autistic Masking and Unmasking

“I would always have to ask for every single person who's going to be at a social event … because I can't know how to mask and script if I don't know who I'm going to be talking to and interacting with. … If I felt like these factors were not solidified, I most likely didn't go to the social interaction because I just didn't know what I was preparing myself for … and that made me really anxious.”

– Irene, How do I know I'm masking?

Although there may be elements of masking that seem familiar to everyone, such as changing how you present yourself in certain formal situations, autistic people have emphasised that masking is different to this. Masking is described as making efforts to manually act in ways that come naturally to non-autistic people, to meet social expectations and blend into society through exhausting effort that can lead to autistic burnout and other mental health issues.

Especially for people who discover their autistic identity later in life, it is common to have masked unconsciously for many years, meaning it can be difficult for those people to know what kind of a person they would have been and what interests and characteristics they would have allowed themselves to develop if they hadn’t suppressed their autistic traits and natural instincts throughout their life. As explored in ‘The impact of masking’ section below, this can lead to an identity crisis and loss of a sense of self.

Why do autistic people mask?

Autistic people mask for a variety of reasons, including:

  • to be accepted in society
  • to avoid prejudice, stigma, bullying and discrimination
  • to blend in or ‘pass’ in a neurotypical world
  • to meet social expectations and avoid social rejection
  • to hide discomfort in environments that are not autism-friendly (for example because they don’t want to cause a fuss or inconvenience others, or because they may not be believed and/or expect to be told they are being dramatic or over the top)
  • a lack of acceptance or accommodation of autistic characteristics
  • to compensate for the social and communication differences between autistic and non-autistic people (known as ‘the double empathy problem’), especially when non-autistic communication styles and preferences are assumed to be the 'correct’ way
  • to cope at school and avoid negative attention or punishment (for example for moving around or stimming)
  • to improve employment opportunities and keep jobs
  • to make and maintain friendships and relationships
  • because it has become routine or subconscious.

“Masking happens in the context of being given the message at quite a young age that who you are and your natural, instinctive way of being is not okay, and that you will only be accepted if you shape yourself into something else. … I think as an autistic child, I was given the message that my entire job in life was to make other people feel comfortable. And I never thought about making myself feel comfortable.”

– Purple Ella, Autistic Masking & Romantic Relationships

“Masking ... is a survival mechanism in a world that actively oppresses and abuses us for being different to the majority. … I look back on my life, and all I can see is the mask. ... Society taught me that the majority were better than me, more worthy of love and acceptance. I pushed down my autistic identity because I wanted to be accepted.”

– David Gray-Hammond, The cost of autistic masking

“I was told on many occasions that I was over-sensitive, selfish, overreacting or too serious, whether it be in a school, work or family situation. ... I felt like a pain and a burden, so I started masking, bringing out those traits of mine that I thought were the most likeable … while trying to hide the anxiety or squash all the reactions that would be considered over the top. This did not always work so well for me, and the mask would be dropped when things got too much.”

– Ursula’s story, Now I Know campaign

Factors that may indicate the likelihood of masking include:

  • gender – autistic women and girls and non-binary people may be more likely to mask than autistic men and boys, potentially due to sexism and stereotypes of how certain people ‘should’ behave and/or because someone is part of more than one marginalised group (for example ‘boys will be boys’, but girls must learn how to behave ‘appropriately’) 
  • age at diagnosis – autistic people diagnosed in adulthood may mask more compared to those diagnosed in childhood or adolescence.

Evidence about the diversity of autistic people’s experiences of masking is lacking. More evidence is needed, including about how a person’s gender, ethnicity and cultural background and co-occurring learning disabilities may relate to their experience of masking.
 

How common is masking in autistic people?

We don’t know. Research has not tended to focus on how common masking is in autistic people, possibly because it is both difficult to measure and difficult to draw conclusions across different environments, situations and life stages, for example.

There are no formal clinical assessment tools for masking, but some questionnaires and assessment methods have been developed for research purposes. Health care professionals should be aware that autistic people may be masking (including during an autism assessment) and should listen to an individual’s account of their experience.

Autism is a spectrum condition and there is no one way to ‘look autistic’. Judgements based on the misconception that someone ‘doesn’t look autistic’ should not be relied on to determine whether to refer someone for an autism assessment. Diagnosing professionals must be suitably qualified to assess all aspects of autism, including masking.

The impact of masking

Masking autistic characteristics and suppressing your needs, preferences, instincts and coping mechanisms (such as stimming) can result in:

  • distressed behaviour, including meltdowns and/or shutdowns (often only expressed when it can’t be held in any longer or when the individual feels safe enough in their environment to do so, such as when they get home from school)
  • mental and physical exhaustion (which can lead to autistic burnout)
  • mental health difficulties (including increased suicidality and/or self-harm)
  • isolation and/or feeling disconnected from other people
  • being more vulnerable to abuse (if you ‘blend in’ by overriding your reactions and going along with what other people want, this may not keep you safe in certain situations, such as sexual interactions)
  • a loss of sense of self
  • low self-esteem.

“In my late twenties, I was starting to realise that masking works, but it's really exhausting when I do it – and sometimes it doesn't even work – but then, when I stop doing it, something is going wrong; so, is this a personal failure? And that's really when depression kind of gets in, when you start thinking that this is something that you've done wrong, just by existing.”

– Yo Samdy Sam, Autistic masking and unmasking

“Before I realised I was on the spectrum, masking was just called coping. It was just called fitting in and having friends and keeping a job.... In hindsight, the biggest effect it had on me was I learned from a really young age that my emotional reactions were inappropriate and therefore I needed to suppress them – all. That's not a very healthy thing to do.”

– Paul Micallef (Autism from the inside), Autistic masking and unmasking

In addition, a lack of understanding about masking can have implications for diagnosis and support, including:

  • people not believing the person is autistic
  • misdiagnosis, late diagnosis or under-diagnosis of autism, preventing the person from getting appropriate support (for example at school, in the workplace and with their mental health)
  • misunderstandings between professionals and autistic people (or their family or care giver), due to professionals not understanding masking and assuming the person doesn’t experience difficulties – this can block access to support and lead to parent-blaming.

“Masking is the single biggest barrier to autism diagnosis there is. When autistic kids mask in school it creates a dichotomy between home and school behaviours and leads to parent blame in too many situations.”

– PDA Dad UK, Autism and masking

Despite the negative outcomes of masking, autistic people have also highlighted the benefits, which are usually the purpose of masking (also see the section ‘Why do autistic people mask?’ above):

  • increased protection and safety (avoiding bullying, stigma and marginalisation)
  • making and keeping friends and partners
  • getting on and being accepted at school and in work
  • preventing awkward social experiences and having successful interactions with people
  • building confidence (perhaps by faking it initially until real confidence is developed).

Autistic people have observed that the positive and negative impacts of masking can create a seemingly impossible choice between fitting in and getting on in life (through masking) and making the best choices for your mental health and access to diagnosis and support (not masking). It is important that society becomes more accepting of autistic ways of being so that the pressure to mask is reduced.

“People only really talk about the negatives of masking – and there are negatives – but, for me, it got me through high school. I would have been so lonely; it gave me confidence, it brought me out of my shell. … However, the friendships I made within that time are based off a fat lie … because none of them knew me, really. … There is another negative…: I was ill most of the time at school because of how much I was exhausted … masking is so difficult, it's just terrible. I didn't know I was doing it, but I felt like I was literally putting on an act day in day out.”

– Hollie Mabbott, Why do autistic girls MASK?

“Unfortunately, masking is kind of necessary ... because of the ableist attitudes in our society and in our culture. Honestly, I found that when I start stimming or when I start making my own natural movements and facial expressions and communicating in the way that is most natural to me, people immediately infantilise me, they don't take my opinions seriously, they treat me like a ... sub-human person.”

– Amythest Schaber, Ask an Autistic #2 - What is Passing?

Some autistic people have described consciously using their ‘masking skills’ in situations where they feel it would benefit them and choosing to ‘unmask’ around those they feel comfortable with. However, for some autistic people (often undiagnosed and late-diagnosed people), masking is subconscious and is not consciously controlled; it may be possible for these people to attempt to unmask once they become conscious of their masking, often following an autism diagnosis.

It is important to note that even if an autistic person can mask or has masked in the past, they may not be able to mask consistently or reliably, even in situations where it could benefit them or help to keep them safe. Autistic people should never be expected to mask or punished for not masking, though the experience of autistic people indicates that this is commonplace (see the section ‘Why do autistic people mask?’ above).

Strategies for self-management

Autistic people and research have suggested ways to manage the impacts of masking, including:

  • allowing time to recover after social interactions due to the exhaustion associated with masking
  • using ‘energy accounting’ (a framework for working out what drains and what recharges your energy) or ‘spoon theory’ (where you imagine the amount of energy you have each day as a number of spoonfuls and decide what you can spend those ‘spoons’ on before you run out) – which may result in limiting how much time you spend in situations where you feel you have to mask (if you don’t have the spoons for it, or it will cost you too many spoons when you need them for something else)
  • having an autism diagnosis, or recognising your autism through self-diagnosis – this may help you identify the nature of your masking and whether you wish to attempt to unmask
  • spending time with other autistic people, online or offline, and sharing relatable experiences to help you understand your masking and consider what unmasking might mean for you
  • think about who you are behind the mask, what you like and dislike, and how and when you could unmask to better reflect your true interests, values, sensory profile and identity – you could do this in therapy, by journaling, meditating or in discussion with other autistic people or people who know you well.

Some autistic people who recognise they are masking choose to try to unmask. However, it is acknowledged that this may not be a simple process; for example, because masking can be subconscious, it can be difficult to know when you are doing it. Some autistic people have said that the question they are trying to answer during the process of unmasking changes from ‘How do I unmask?’ to ‘Who am I?’ as they recognise that constant masking caused them to lose their sense of self. Read more about this in the section ‘Insight from autistic people’ below.

“Over the past few years, I've tried to slowly develop myself back to an unmasked person, by asking myself: what do I like? How am I feeling? Keeping tabs on my emotions. Asking myself: is now a good time to set a boundary? These are the questions I'm continuously going over in my head to make sure that I'm doing things I like, I'm wearing the clothes I like, I'm doing the hobbies I like, and I'm not worried about presenting in a certain way to society. Just: here is me.”

– Claire, How do you stop masking your autism?

How to support autistic people who mask

To support autistic people who mask (as well as those who do not or cannot mask), society must become more accepting of autistic ways of being. Autistic people mask to avoid the stigma, prejudice, discrimination and other rejection that they can face just because they are autistic. If society was more accepting of autistic expression and accommodating of autistic difference, there would be less reason to suppress these characteristics.

Some specific ways to support autistic people who mask include:

  • allow the person time to recover after social interactions due to the exhaustion associated with masking
  • education professionals should gain an understanding of autism and masking
  • education environments and workplaces should embrace neurodiversity, making appropriate accommodations and providing carefully planned individualised support
  • clinicians should be aware that some autistic people may mask during the diagnostic process
  • public spaces and events should aim to become more autism-friendly, both in general and through dedicated provision such as quiet hours, quiet spaces, relaxed screenings, etc.

Insight from autistic people

“The really essential question that we’re asking here is: if you do decide that you want to be your true, authentic, ‘unicorn’ self, who are you under all that? Are you the person you have constructed? Are you the person that you have made, because that’s who you think people wanted you to be? And I’m afraid I don’t have answers, but I do think there are ways you can work this out for yourself. It does take time and effort (boo!). Things you can do include therapy..., journaling, meditation, talking to other autistic people..., and asking your friends and family how they would describe you.”

– Yo Samdy Sam, Autistic masking: how do we do it and should we stop?

 

“I've been experimenting with allowing myself to be more autistic in the privacy of my own home, around my very close family and maybe some of my very close friends. And what that means for me is sometimes just feeling unable to contribute to conversations and not forcing myself to be cheerful. Also, I have some stims that I used to feel quite embarrassed about, like chewing stims, ... that I feel like aren't socially acceptable, but I allow myself to do those more now in my own home. And just generally kind of embracing my autism more. And what I notice is … I feel less tired, I feel less anxious and I feel less overwhelmed.”

– Purple Ella, Autism and masking

 

“So the question in my mind, when we talk about unmasking, isn't necessarily ‘How to unmask?’, it's ‘Who am I?’ How do I even answer that question if have been masking for so long, hiding my autistic traits, which are a part of who I am. Who am I if I'm not masking? And that is a very difficult question when you go through a late diagnosis. How can I 'be myself' if I've always pretended to be someone else? I'm not sure I have an answer for you. My answer right now is: give it time.”

– Claire, How do you stop masking your autism?

“One of the best things I heard about recently is 'guerilla stimming', and the idea is: stim everywhere. When you need to stim, do it. Stim a lot, stim often, stim loud, loud hands – the idea is that people only accept what they know and they only know what they see … In the past 70 years, autistic people have been encouraged to act neurotypical, to not stim, to not be themselves. What if all these autistic teenagers and adults rose up and said, 'Hey, we're here, and this is who we are.' ... It would help to normalise autistic behaviours and movement and I think it would help to generate acceptance.”

– Amythest Schaber, Ask an Autistic #2 - What is Passing?

 

“Some of the things I've been doing to unmask are: choosing the trusted people that I can kind of experiment on, as it were. Intellectually, I say to myself: look, this person has shown you they like you and they want to be around you, so maybe just try and relax around this person. Because, for me, masking is not relaxing; it's this constant state of, basically, performance; … pretending around people because I'm trying to get them to, not just like me, but accept me and not think I'm immediately strange. This kind of gradual stuff means kind of identifying safe people, which I think is probably a good idea anyway to make sure that you are spending your time with people that you feel safe around.”

– Yo Samdy Sam, Autistic masking and unmasking

 

“A lot of people have said, ‘Since you've had your autism diagnosis, you seem more autistic.’ But I feel like, no, I've actually always been this way. I've just really tried to bury it, and it made me so ill. Now, in my mind, I feel airier. Not like a weight's been lifted, because obviously I can't change who I am, but I don't want to now.”

– Zahra’s story, Now I Know campaign

Links, resources and article source

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