It took me a lot of time to make new friends, and I often felt very isolated and left out, and struggled to fit in. I felt pressure to conform to the stereotype of a ‘normal’ person, so I wasn’t very open about my autism diagnosis at the time.
I was afraid of being judged. People told me that I was ‘weird’ or ‘unusual’. Those words do kind of hurt you. People called me ‘stupid’ but they didn’t exactly know why I wasn’t like them. I felt I didn’t owe anyone an explanation. Why did I have to be like them? I ended up masking a lot to hide my true identity. I felt like I had to conform to society’s standards. I was scared that people wouldn’t understand autism.
I started to understand more about my own autism diagnosis when I was 14. I was reading a school report at the time, and I just thought to myself, ‘what is autism?’. I started to do more research, although I mostly kept it to myself. I spoke to my mum about my diagnosis, to try and find out more.
I always found learning very difficult. However, I did excel in creative subjects, like art, music, and design and technology. I passed my A Levels and ended up doing a foundation diploma in Art and Design. I then went to university and got a degree in Fine Art, so it did work out in the end.
You mentioned you would like to talk about Black Lives Matter, and your experience as a Black autistic woman. Would you be able to tell us more about this and what it means for you?
Yes, of course. With everything going on at the moment, it’s important to recognise that racism is everywhere, and that it isn’t just a black and white issue. Black people have been discriminated against for centuries. Even though there is still a lot of work to be done, especially in the coronavirus pandemic era, the Black Lives Matter protests (in response to the murder of George Floyd by a police officer) was a serious wake up call for a lot of people. The footage of George Floyd’s death was very distressing to watch. Of course, as a Black person, I was very angry. I think a lot of non-Black people were angry too.
It was great to see non-Black people being allies and being supportive. It opened up conversations and allowed me to share resources on social media and talk about what was happening. Although this was a positive thing, I ended up feeling very burned out and I had to stay off social media for a week because it got too much for me.
When I went to a speech and language therapy group years ago, I met a few other Black autistic people. It was nice to be in such a diverse environment. However, as an adult, I haven’t really seen much representation of other Black autistic people.
I then discovered Autistic Tyla, a Black autistic YouTuber. I started following her on social media. It was amazing to be able to connect with another autistic person who looked like me, and to have someone I could look up to..
There have been people who have not responded positively to the Black Lives Matter movement. Of course, all lives matter, but we have to pay attention to what’s happening in society at the moment, and recognise that things aren’t equal when it comes to race, and to do something about it.
Why do you think there is a lack of representation or support of Black autistic people in the UK and why is representation so important?
I think it’s partly due to the demographics. Perhaps in some communities there could be a lack of autism awareness or understanding, so there could be a cultural aspect that comes into play.
