"I have realised I could achieve so much more than what my education experience in my early years led me to believe."
Gavin
– on challenging the broken education system and being ‘written off’ at school
Hi Gavin! When did you first know or start to think you were autistic?
Let’s go back to when I first heard about autism in my family. My son was at his age two check-up, and they noticed that he had some developmental delays, and autism was mentioned.
As I started to build my knowledge, I started to see a picture of my young self being painted, and it brought back some painful memories for me. I was starting to believe I may be autistic, but I also thought that I couldn’t possibly be. I was about 40 at the time – surely someone would have noticed or told me!
What was the diagnosis process like for you? What did it mean when you got your diagnosis?
Just trying to get on the pathway for diagnosis was hard. It took three attempts and a mental breakdown to finally get the doctor to refer me. The doctors first said I was “too old” for a diagnosis and that “it wouldn’t change anything in my life”. How wrong they were. My life has changed massively since my diagnosis.
By the time I received the diagnosis, I knew I was probably autistic – I had researched a lot! However, I broke down in tears. It was such a relief, and my whole life suddenly made sense to me. The validation of all of those years of struggles had finally happened. There was a real rollercoaster of emotions, though, from relief to absolute anger about how the education system and health service had let me down.
What was the impact of getting a late diagnosis and being undiagnosed at school on you and your career path?
This is the thing that has changed my life so much! I left school with no qualifications, and I felt like I was stupid. My passion and obsession at school was fishing, and I wanted to be a fish farmer. I was told I was being stupid and that I should go and be a labourer on a building site. I did that, and it lasted three days.
In my early years, I had a lot of jobs, from making double-glazed windows to touring the country doing fishing roadshows – finally settling in the tyre and exhaust trade. I started as a trainee tyre fitter, and by the time I was 24, I was Manager of the Year for a national tyre business, where I had quadrupled the turnover of a failing branch.
I was obsessed with this place and often worked seven-day weeks, as I wanted perfection. This then led to burnout, which I know now was driven by my autism.
I then decided I wanted to become a lorry driver and just be on my own for most of the day. I quit my job, got some lessons and two weeks later, I was driving for a waste company. I drove a multitude of vehicles for nine years, including dustcarts and skip trucks.
There was eventually a slot in the office, and I decided that I was once again in the place to progress. Within six weeks, I was teaching my boss how to use Excel and coming up with improved processes. My manager said to me: “You did a good job of pretending to be stupid all of those years.”
I put all of this together and had the crazy idea that this middle-aged ex-binman with no qualifications would become a Management Accountant. Well, after ten years of working through a builder’s merchants from stacking shelves, I finally made it.
I not only passed all 16 exams to become a Chartered Accountant, but I also won the Chartered Institute of Management Accountants’ Student of the Year Award. I went on to work as an Accountant for Jaguar Land Rover, where I still work now. Pretty unbelievable for that child who was ‘written off’ at school!
I’m keen to show other autistic people what is possible and demonstrate why we need change in the UK education system.
What have your children’s experiences of the school SEN system been like?
I have one word here: mixed!
We have had scenarios where a head teacher refused to believe our son was autistic. Once, our son asked for a loudspeaker playing music in the playground to be turned down, only to be told he was rude and needed to learn to cope with it. The same school took a mood wristband off him, which had ‘I’m okay’ on one side and ‘I’m not okay’ on the other, stating it was jewellery!
This son used to hide under the desk, was a flight risk at school and was behind in every subject. We were told to find a special school for him. After going to mediation, we finally got an EHCP and got him a place at a mainstream school, one with a good SEN department. We were turned down by some mainstream schools, stating that he would get bullied or they couldn’t support him.
After two years, he had 100% attendance. He was a buddy for new SEN students and won the principal’s award and a distinction in the Oxford University BEBRAS computing challenge. He caught up with his subjects and was predicted to have good grades of 4s and 5s at the start of his first GCSE year.
However, this recently turned around significantly, despite him having an EHCP and TAs, with us being in regular contact at the school, even volunteering. We recently got a report saying he is now predicted to be ungraded for almost every subject. We feel extremely upset and let down, and we worry our son will be yet another statistic of not being in employment or education and will not get any financial help either.
We also have another son who has ADHD and is awaiting an autism diagnosis. It has now been almost four years, and he is struggling at school. I feel we still have many years of struggles ahead of us.
What is one thing you wish more schools understood about autism?
I wish they would understand that it isn’t about the child who’s having the meltdown; it’s about the environment they create. If you put a rose in the desert, it will wilt and die. If you put a cactus in a swamp environment, it will rot. It isn’t the fault of the plant; it’s the fault of the environment you created for it.
Many teachers point the finger and blame the child for bad behaviour in class, but they do not realise that there are three fingers pointing back at them. In business, we use root cause analysis and the ‘five whys’. We ask ‘why’ five times to get to the bottom of the issue. Schools and teachers do not do this.
Do you have any advice for other parents who are struggling to get school support for their children?
The best advice I can give is to speak to other parents and join a community. We have a great one where I work. It can be a really lonely journey, but knowing you are not alone and sharing your frustrations with someone who gets it is really beneficial.
Also, look at many schools, particularly the SEN department. Look for schools that concentrate on the individual pupil rather than statistics.
What has your career journey helped you to realise about yourself and the wider education system?
I have realised I could achieve so much more than what my education experience in my early years led me to believe I could.
Professional development courses have helped me understand myself more than the education system or health service ever has. Getting into the corporate world has been so beneficial to me.
In my opinion, the whole education system in the UK needs ripping up and starting again with a focus on teaching children about who they are and their spiky profiles. This approach would help them uncover their strengths and encourage them to achieve more while helping them realise their weaker points and teaching them coping strategies. This wouldn’t just benefit autistic children, but all children.
Looking back at my experience as a pupil and now as a father, the education system has gotten worse, not better. I am determined to share my story to make a difference to that. I am currently writing a book called Binman To Boardroom about my journey and will be recalling how I started to learn about autism, how I learned about my spiky profile and how my diagnosis has changed my life.
What does autism acceptance mean to you?
Autism acceptance starts with autism understanding. You also have to understand that every single autistic person is different.
Never deny someone their struggle or gaslight them just because you don’t get it and can’t understand why they might need to move, as they can hear the electric buzzing or the light is too bright.