Sarah Wild, Headteacher at Limpsfield Grange School, discusses how autism can present in girls and how they support autistic students at the school, particularly with managing anxiety. She also gives us her top five tips on educating autistic girls.

Limpsfield Grange School in Surrey is a residential secondary specialist school for girls with social communication and interaction needs. The majority of our girls are autistic, and what’s really different about our school is the fact that it’s a community where autistic girls are the majority. 

In the last ten years, there’s been an increased awareness in the medical profession that autistic girls can present very differently to boys, but getting a diagnosis for autistic girls is still more difficult. GPs will still tell parents: ‘Your daughter can’t be autistic because she can make conversation and eye contact.’ 

But lots of autistic girls can do exactly that and have spent a great deal of time, energy and effort practising the social skills that they need to survive in wider society. Just because autistic girls can make eye contact and have a reciprocal conversation with someone doesn’t mean they are not autistic. It means many autistic girls have learned how to have a conversation. Society needs to redefine what it thinks about autism. At Limpsfield Grange, we believe there needs to be much greater acceptance of the neurodiversity movement across society.
 

Raising awareness

We believe that our community has a part to play in raising awareness of autism. The students at our school and author Vicky Martin have written two novels about an autistic girl called M, with M in the middle and M is for autism. Both novels allow the reader to view the world through the eyes of a ‘mega-anxious’ autistic girl.   

Our school was also featured in the Chris Packham and Christine McGuiness documentaries about autistic people, and back in 2015, we had an ITV documentary made specifically about us. We strive to develop a wider awareness of the issues relating to autistic girls and lead the way in promoting positive messages about neurodiversity.  

Limpsfield Grange girls really want to tell people what it’s like to be autistic and to help others. They’ve spent a long time feeling really alone and don’t want other girls to feel as isolated. They’re proud of their coolness and quirkiness and want other autistic young people to feel part of a vibrant community and movement.
 

Masking 

Masking is when an autistic person suppresses their authentic autistic identity to blend in with neurotypical people and to be accepted in society. Often, an autistic person who masks will mirror the behaviour of people around them or behaviours that they have seen on social media or in films.  

Masking can also include rehearsing or scripting conversations or reactions, using facial expressions or body language that the autistic person wouldn’t usually use, being more animated than is normal for them or mirroring how someone dresses or their wider appearance.  

In places like school, college or work, autistic women and girls are often surrounded by people who really don’t get them. They have to mask their difficulties all day. Masking is mentally, physically and emotionally draining, and over time, it can lead to exhaustion and autistic burnout. Masking will require recovery time, and we work with students at Limpsfield Grange to help them identify bespoke ways to relax and recharge their social batteries to help our students stay well.
 

Anxiety 

It can be difficult for Limpsfield Grange students to identify how they feel and what makes them anxious. Managing anxiety is a focus of our work at the school. 

Working with autistic girls to recognise, label and manage their emotional responses is a long process. We work with students to link physical sensations to emotions and then work backwards to identify triggers for those emotions. 

Once the girls understand why certain situations make them feel a certain way, we can work alongside them to develop strategies to manage their emotional responses.  This process can take a long time, but once the girls understand why they feel the way they do, it can be incredibly empowering for them and can help them to understand how other people feel and why they feel that way.  

We hope that by enabling the girls to understand and manage their anxiety and through raising awareness in society about female autism, we can equip Limpsfield Grange students to lead the life they choose.
 

Top five tips on educating autistic girls 

1. Build a relationship. Relationships are crucial to autistic girls – they need to feel accepted by you and that you understand them.
    
2. Make learning concrete, contextual and visual.
    
3. Ask them how they would like to be supported in social situations – girls will want to engage with others socially but may find this overwhelming or confusing.
    
4. Build in quiet space and time each day where the girls can process their thoughts and feelings without being socially ‘on show’. Remember that masking all day is exhausting.
    
5. Create some bespoke sex and relationship lessons. Autistic girls may have multiple vulnerabilities, including:

• they want to please people
• they are sociable without always understanding the context
• they are concrete, literal thinkers
• they can be very trusting
• they can experience low self-esteem.

Try to always check their understanding of situations and terminology and make these sessions student-led so you are addressing gaps in their knowledge.