For some autistic people, the feeling of loneliness can be really strong, and it can feel incredibly isolating. I want you to know that you’re not alone if you are feeling this way.

Emily Katy on loneliness, being autistic in a non-autistic world, and finding comfort in the autistic community...

As an autistic person, it can sometimes be difficult to feel like you ‘fit in’ or to find your place in the world. Because of this, many autistic people can end up being socially isolated and lonely. Some autistic people may enjoy being alone, while others may want to socialise but may not know how to.

With this mind, we spoke to Emily Katy, autistic advocate, blogger, and speaker at our recent mental health conference. Here, Emily writes about her experience of isolation as an autistic person in a non-autistic world, and how reaching to other autistic people has helped her feel less alone...

Loneliness is a familiar feeling for me. I have often felt lonely, even when surrounded by people. In the past, this was mostly because I felt like nobody understood me. I didn’t have the words to express how I felt and how I experienced the world, and so I felt very disconnected from other people. My anxiety overwhelmed me a lot of the time and stopped me from being able to join in with the fun things my friends were doing.

For some autistic people, the feeling of loneliness can be really strong, and it can feel incredibly isolating. I want you to know that you’re not alone if you are feeling this way.

As an autistic person, it can sometimes be difficult to feel like you ‘fit in’ or to find your place in the world.

Here are five pieces of advice I have for you:

1

Join in with online autistic communities, such as on Twitter or through the Online Community page on the National Autistic Society’s website. Connecting with other autistic people has made such a difference to my life – it’s given me somewhere to turn to for advice and support, and is also a really fun community to be a part of! Find out more about the Online Community: community.autism.org.uk

2

See if there are any groups related to your special interest, or any interest you have, which take place in your local area (hint: ask on your local area’s Facebook page, if there is one). Getting out of the house and connecting with people who have similar interests to you can really help – and imagine getting to share your excitement for your special interest with other people who are equally as passionate about it! I know this can cause a lot of happy stimming!

3

Consider volunteering somewhere. This is a great way to get out and meet people and develop new skills, and you might also have some very valuable interactions with people you never have to see again! It can also be a great way to build structure into your week if you’re lacking it, which I know helps my mental health. Find out more about volunteering at the National Autistic Society: autism.org.uk/volunteer

4

Try to be kind to yourself. Feeling lonely can really get you down and lead to a lot of negative thoughts, but those thoughts are not facts. I remember feeling like nobody wanted to be friends with me, but that wasn’t true. I just hadn’t met the right people yet who would love me for who I am. Amidst all of these thoughts, please remember you are good enough.

5

Try not to compare yourself with other people, especially if they are non-autistic. We tend to compare ourselves to other people’s highlight reels on social media, when people’s lives aren’t as wonderful as they make them out to be. We also like to hold ourselves to neurotypical standards when we are not neurotypical. For instance, it’s okay to not go out to loud places if those sorts of situations make you feel uncomfortable (this does not necessarily just apply to autistic people, but could be relevant for people with physical disabilities, mental health conditions, other neurological conditions, or just anyone who finds loud places difficult or uncomfortable). You don’t have to do what everyone else is doing. Do what makes you feel comfortable.

My desire to reach out to help other people who were feeling lonely was one of the reasons why I got involved with Not Alone Talk, a daily chat hosted on Twitter.

"Feeling lonely isn’t a feeling which will disappear overnight, but it can fade with time"

Not Alone Talk was started by @harmlesslife during lockdown in 2020, and after a few months of joining in, I started hosting once a week. Seeing people find community through our chat has been priceless, and it’s always there for you too if you need us.

You are not alone

You can find me on Twitter @ItsEmilyKaty or on my website here.

Just search the hashtag #NotAloneTalk on Twitter every night between 8-9pm and join in the conversation.

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"For some autistic people, the feeling of loneliness can be really strong, and it can feel incredibly isolating. I want you to know that you’re not alone if you are feeling this way."

Emily Katy
- autistic mental health advocate

Emily Katy on loneliness, being autistic in a non-autistic world, and finding comfort in the autistic community...

Here are five pieces of advice I have for you:

You are not alone