James Ward-Sinclair on social isolation, challenges going out and about, and being alone but not lonely... 

Being autistic can make it difficult to feel like you 'fit in', and things like socialising and making friends can be stressful and overwhelming. Because of this, many autistic people can find themselves feeling lonely or become socially isolated. Some autistic people may prefer being alone, while others may want to socialise and make friends, but are not sure how to. 

To talk more about this, we caught up with James Ward-Sinclair, autistic advocate, and founder of the successful blog, ‘Autistic & Unapologetic.’ James shares his experiences of loneliness, feeling overwhelmed when out and about, and learning to appreciate moments of solitude. 

Deriving from the Greek word ‘auto’ meaning ‘self’, autism’s namesake was originally chosen to reflect how autistic people can commonly be found on our own. However, this doesn’t mean that loneliness is a direct trait of autism. Instead (and somewhat ironically), loneliness is more of a companion for autistic people, an outcome which usually arises for one of two reasons: 

1. Sensory challenges, anxiety or some other trait can mean we seek the safety of seclusion. 
2. Our alternative mindset puts us at odds with others and, even in a group bound by similar interests, we can feel isolated by our unique perspectives. 

You could say that, for autistic people, isolation can be both a response and a reaction. However, just because isolation usually arises from these negative places, that doesn’t mean that it is necessarily a bad thing. Of course, there is a difference between being socially isolated and choosing to spend time alone.
 

A little time alone can help with:

For example, at university I thought I needed friends because connections would make the tsunami of stressful situations heading my way easier to endure, so I joined every and any group on campus, in a bid to have as many people to lean on as possible: The Green Society, The Rock ‘N’ Roll Society, The Fashion Society, The Film Society and The African Caribbean Society. 

Although I did enjoy myself (and I would encourage anyone looking to meet people to equally throw themselves into similar opportunities), I quickly discovered that I was only ever making shallow connections, and that trying to be everywhere and with everyone at once was just too draining to keep up. 

Subsequently the strain of attending every Mosh-Pit Monday, Jerk Chicken Tuesday, What-To-Wear Wednesday, Fossil Free Thursday and Film-Noir Friday eventually led to my grades dropping - an unexpected consequence which meant my calendar week would always end with Stress-Out-Saturday and Shutdown-Sunday.

In response, I dropped all my outside activities and focused on my studies. I learnt that, while yes, creating a support network to get by can have great results, a problem shared is only ever a problem halved, while tackling a situation head on can resolve the problem altogether. 

Being alone doesn’t necessarily mean you are lonely. Equally, autistic people shouldn’t have to accept a life of being locked away to our own devices. Instead we should realise that the key to getting out is allowing ourselves to let others in, and realising it is our choice when and if we use it.